Today I was coaching a client and asked the question, “What’s the story you are telling yourself about that relationship?”
The Story. Yep, the story.
I’ve been to a number of different personal development sessions where this concept comes out – Landmark Education, Coaching Certification, and the book Language and the pursuit of happiness. This concept of story is something very powerful when you can just stand with it. Live with it. Own it. And then get to choose – how is it serving me?
Think about that relationship in your life where you might benefit from a deeper connection. Maybe it’s your brother, you boss or barista at your favorite coffee shop. What’s the story you have about that relationship?
Once you’ve become aware of the story that you have – get yourself clear about what it truly is. What if the story was written a different way? (your brain might shift to autopilot and convince yourself it’s can’t possibly be another way than it currently is today, or it’s not possible to change – because they aren’t going to change!) As a coach, I’m not really interesting in spending the time and energy around why it can’t change – I’m interested in “if you want the story to change, what can you do to rewrite it?” Here’s how:
Create the story you want to live in. What is the story that would make you jump for joy, throw your hands up, pee your pants because – holy crap, I never knew it could be that good. Describe that story. Write it down. What is the story you want to create?
If you got to live in that story – what would be different for you? What does this story sound like? look like? smell like? What does this story evoke in your heart, head and soul? (write down a few notes about this)
And if you had that, what would you have? It might be a fuller relationships, a sense of letting go, peace, harmony…what else might it be for you?
Move to action to live in this story. Identify 25 things YOU will do to show up in a way that lives this new story. (BTW this list is about you, not the other person)
Doing this simple exercise to repair, renew, revive a relationship in your life might have a profound impact. I don’t know if it ends happily ever after. I just know today might be uniquely different from days in the story of the past.
What’s it worth to you to see how you can rewrite the stories of your life - or better yet, what are you risking if you don’t?
Do you ever pay attention to how you are listening? More importantly, what are you listening for?
I typically start my workshops off with some sort of goal setting by the participants. I’ll ask individuals to set a goal they have for themselves as a result of attending the session. My intention is to have them answer the dreaded what’s in it for me question.
I have the participants write this down on a 3×5 card or a giant post-it. Something they can keep in front of them during our time together. After they have completed this, I then follow it up with these simple instructions:
“Now, listen for this as the content of the workshop starts to unfold.”
This simple instruction can create a filter, a perspective, a point of view in which to hear everything from. It’s the easiest – and quickest – way for me to get learning to stick for individuals and tie back into the goal they have created for themselves.
When we start to LISTEN FOR something, we start to make connections. We also start to be engaged as learners. As learners we start creating meaning for the content that is being shared. It’s when learners can create context and relationship where real change in performance can occur.
Who knew Oprah and the Black Eyed Peas could teach us a thing or two about Employee Engagement. I was asked today to provide an example of a short, inspiring video that could be used by an OD practitioner. What came to mind was the viral vid that’s been circulating the web since September.
I believe this video teaches us two important lessons on engagement. Take a look what do you see that relates to engagement here?
Provide clear direction. This was accomplished through rehearsal and practice, by the some 20,000 who chose to participate in kicking off Oprah’s 24th season. When people are provided a clear sense of direction it’s amazing what can be accomplished. In the workplace or on the streets in Chicago.
Co-create with your group. This one I think is the biggest lesson. After viewing an interview with the director of the video, it was clear that the Black Eyed Peas put ego aside to co-create. In a typical rock concert the spot light is on the stage. Here the spot light extends all the way down Michigan Ave. They let the audience in. They let the audience be part of the show. Takes a confident leader to allow this, don’t you think?
Research from the Corporate Leadership Council suggests that by simply providing a clear direction to the goals of the organization can yield an increase in up to 34% in effort. What do you think the impact to engagement is when people get to be part of the “show” and co-create with their leaders?
A while back, this question was posted on LinkedIn and I shared the following”
“I need to be totally engaged! For me this is about setting goals in the beginning of any learning program – classroom, self help CDs I listen to in my car – What do I truly want from this experience. I need to engage not just my mind, but the body. Get up moving. Try it out. Experiment. Run around – if applicable. Lastly, I need a group or cohort. Someone to bounce ideas off of, learn from and challenge my thoughts on ideas. This is key for me – both as a learner and facilitator. I believe the CONTENT of learning is created by the participants. With this belief, as a facilitator, I try to model what I need and encourage others to tell me what they need. This is where the juicy content and learning emerge. And then…it sticks!”
Do you ever pay attention to how you are listening? More importantly, what are you listening for?