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Today I facilitated a workshop for a group of directors.  I seem to be challenged at times when people don’t want to recognize the choices available.  At times, some really feel comfort and, can I say joy, in being helpless.  When this shows up in a workshop – I can’t just let it go.  I need to bring it out and really just throw it on the table – so we can talk about it.  And I really get where this is uncomfortable to talk about, because misery loves company which is about talking about the other choices – beyond misery – we might have.  It’s not the type of company I care to keep, let alone enable. 

Today’s session provided for a really great opportunity to think about work and the choices one makes – or chooses not to make.  If we can talk about the difficult choices – like simply doing nothing, or choosing another job – doesn’t that empower us?  Empower us because we have choices?  

I hope that it does, because what I can’t hear, is “i have no choice, no matter what I do things won’t change.”  I don’t know about you, but this stops us in our tracks and puts us right back into that default future.   And then, yes, you get to be right – nothing will change.

Is that what you want? Not me, I choose to play a different game. One where there are options – all of them, even the ones I don’t want to say out loud exist.  That’s the game I play.  How about you?

Do you ever pay attention to how you are listening?  More importantly, what are you listening for?

I typically start my workshops off with some sort of goal setting by the participants.  I’ll ask individuals to set a goal they have for themselves as a result of attending the session.  My intention is to have them answer the dreaded what’s in it for me question.

I have the participants write this down on a 3×5 card or a giant post-it. Something they can keep in front of them during our time together.  After they have completed this, I then follow it up with these simple instructions:

“Now, listen for this as the content of the workshop starts to unfold.”

This simple instruction can create a filter, a perspective, a point of view in which to hear everything from.  It’s the easiest – and quickest – way for me to get learning to stick for individuals and tie back into the goal they have created for themselves.

When we start to LISTEN FOR something, we start to make connections.  We also start to be engaged as learners.  As learners we start creating meaning for the content that is being shared.  It’s when learners can create context and relationship where real change in performance can occur.

So, what are you listening for today?

Getting feedback can be vital to growth and development.  Many managers don’t give feedback (1) often enough, or (2) in a way in which people can hear it.  Some managers don’t like to get feedback themselves and therefore, when they dole it out their staff really don’t want to hear it.  As a manager, someone responsible for the development of their employees, it’s important to also be open to receiving feedback. Try using the Coach Approach to giving and receiving feedback.

Next time you have a one-on-one with an employee (I hope you ARE having these), and you want to give some feedback how about starting your conversation like this?

Let’s talk about the communications project you recently completed.  On a scale of 1 – 10 (1 low, 10 high) how did it go?

When the employee gives a number, ask “What would have made it a 10?” And then listen, really listen.  You might also be able to add your input, but this comes after your employee has had a chance to tell you some ways in which they could’ve made it a 1o.

Now, what’s going to make this dialogue even better is when your employee has a higher level of trust with you.  How do you increase your trust? Simple.  Start asking for feedback yourself.  And use the Coach Approach.  I heard a story from a coach who used this with his son.  He’d routinely check-in and ask, “So Johnny, on a scale of 1-10 how was I as a dad today?”  Gutsy, right?  Yep!  You need to be open to what the number is – and following up by asking, “what would have made you say 10?”

Ask the question.

Be open to the response.

And see what you might be able to do differently next time.

On a scale of 1-10, how useful is this method for you in getting feedback?

(What would have made it a 10?)

Throughout our day there are many opportunities to create Great Conversations. Through conversation, we find connections with others. It’s a way to build relationships and get things done. It’s also a way to find meaning and purpose within ourselves. A Great Conversation is one in which there is a give and a take, mutual understanding and a shared responsibility. Creating Great Conversation is an art, an art anyone can learn.

Think about one of the last really great conversations you had.

• Who was it with?What did you talk about?
• What connections were generated or fused together?
• How did you feel afterwards?
• How about during?

There are a variety of Great Conversations that can take place. Presented here arethree most common to work and careers. The first is often the easiest to avoid.

The Difficult Conversation.

How do you eat an elephant? You start by taking the first bite. That’s what you need to do in a difficult conversation. Take the first bite – not literally, that’s not going to accomplish anything. But, you do need to start some place. When faced with a difficult conversation, your place in the conversation is essential to its outcome.

Do you come from a place of fear? A place where you feel attacked, unsure of what’s next or even betrayed? It’s easy to throw up the defensive coat of arms and ready yourself for battle, again, that will get you no where.

Your place must come from curiosity. A desire to seek and understand.

According to Ed Batista, a leadership coach from Stanford University, there are 4 tips on starting the difficult conversation.

1. Start with something positive. This will ensure that you lead with your best foot and connect with the other person.
2. Use “I” statements to express your perspective and your feelings. Starting from the place of curiosity will help you uncover the many facets of the possible “truth” in question.
3. Don’t make assumptions about the other party’s perspective. (They may not even be aware that there’s a problem, or it may not be their fault–and they may be happy to help solve it if they’re approached in the right way.)
4. State your request clearly, firmly and politely. (And acknowledge any concessions that are granted.)

The Networking Conversation.

I had a chance to meet Harvey Mckay, the networking guru, last summer. This is a man who knows (and teaches!) the art of creating Great Conversations through networking.Networking isn’t just about shaking hands and exchanging cards. It’s really about relationship building. Conversation is about relationship building. Mckay asserts that the time to dig your well (build your network) isn’t when you are thirsty (looking for a job) but now. Engaging in the Networking Conversation is simple. It’s about making connections with people you want to know. These may be people who are able to help you in the next phase of your career. Moreover, they are people that you are creating relationships with through the art of conversation.

The Networking Conversation has a simple formula: Ask. Listen. Share.

When you meet someone, ask a question that allows them to start their story. This engages the person and allows them to share what’s important to them. “How did you get started in your field?” “What do you enjoy most about the work you do?” “What’s the secret to your success?” People enjoy sharing their stories. After you’ve heard their story, it’s time to share a bit of yours. Here, and only here, is when the more-than-formal ritual of the “card exchange” occurs. This is your pass to continue the Networking Conversation and build the relationship even further. Be sure to ask how and when you should follow up.

The Development Conversation.

This conversation is about enhancing your current job skills, knowledge or abilities.Too often, we become complacent in our daily work routines. To keep engaged and build your skill set, seek out new opportunities within your current job to keep you moving along your career path – these are referred to as development activities.

Before initiating this conversation with your manager, have a keen sense of where you are AND where you’d like to be. Identify work related interests that you would like to enhance and that will contribute to the mission of the organization. The Development Conversation is about building on the skills you already have.

To help you prepare for this conversation, take a few minutes to complete these questions:

• What future career related goals do you have?
• What are your current strengths related to the work you do?
• What areas or skills would you like to further enhance or develop?
• What action steps would help you accomplish this?
• At the end of the year, how will you benefit from these development activities?
• How will your organization benefit?

Once you have reflected on these questions, have the Development Conversation with your supervisor. Follow these simple steps:

1. Set up a meeting with your manager. Ask for an hour to discuss development opportunities.
2. At the meeting, clarify with your manager, the goals and priorities for the department over the next year or two, and how you fit into this vision or plan.
3. Describe to your manager the skills that you would like to build on, and ask for help in finding ways to link your career goals to the vision of the department.
4. Together, identify appropriate opportunities that would get you closer to achieving your goals.
5. Set up a time to revisit your progress and get input from your supervisor along the way.

Here are a few more resources to help you initiate Great Conversations in your workplace:

Crucial Conversations by Peterson, Grenny, McMillan and Switzler

Initiating Difficult Conversations

Tools from Harvey Mckay

Relationships at Works

* originally posted to my blog at http://whaddyathink.wordpress.com back in Feb. 2008

A while back, this question was posted on LinkedIn and I shared the following”

“I need to be totally engaged! For me this is about setting goals in the beginning of any learning program – classroom, self help CDs I listen to in my car – What do I truly want from this experience. I need to engage not just my mind, but the body. Get up moving. Try it out. Experiment. Run around – if applicable. Lastly, I need a group or cohort. Someone to bounce ideas off of, learn from and challenge my thoughts on ideas. This is key for me – both as a learner and facilitator. I believe the CONTENT of learning is created by the participants. With this belief, as a facilitator, I try to model what I need and encourage others to tell me what they need. This is where the juicy content and learning emerge. And then…it sticks!”

How do you learn?  What engages you?

I facilitated a workshop today for 200 teachers and administrators in PA using the FISH for Schools curriculum.  Teaching educators how to engage students in a way that makes them feel safe, involved, and ready to learn.

During the mid-afternoon break – I called this the Make The Difference break and set the intention for the next 15 minutes.  The intention was that everyone would be able to enter the room and in some way, shape or fashion would have had their day made.  I let the group know I was going to ask them when they came back from the Make The Difference break who was able to have their day made.

This was going to take ACTION. The kind of simple action that literally can change the way you and I think about things.  It’s the kind of action – that also heightens our awareness to the very presence of noticing and being aware.  So for the next 15 minutes educators and administrators buzzed about.  This was different.  I could feel something happening.  I felt the energy shift, but I didn’t know if the intention could be realized.

When people came back in the room.  I asked them to stand up if there day had been made, if someone engaged them differently over this break than before, did someone notice and make an effort with you.  And – really, to my surprise as this was the first time I tried this exercise -  200 people rose to their feet.

200 people decided to act. When I asked, “what occurred?”  one participant stood up and said I decided I was going to make the difference for people.  And it happened. By a simple decision to CHOOSE.

And 200 people noticed a difference that was made – in just 15 minutes.  Can you imagine the impact this can have on a district of kids?  Can you imagine the impact this can have on us all? And it stemmed from a simple CHOICE.

Take your own Make The Difference break today.  See what happens. Create that intention for you and those around you.  What do you have to lose?

Better yet, what do you have to gain!

Yesterday afternoon I got the chance to work with a group on Creativity. Spending Friday afternoon learning tools and methods for idea generation and evaluation. Seems like heavy lifting for late in the week. One of the concepts I discussed was the idea of adding Improv into the workplace. 

Using Improv in our daily lives to improve can be as easy as a set up to a very skilled comedian.  I find the more I can practice the skills of saying, “Yes, and” the better off I am of being more creative and productive in life.  Adding the every popular, “Yes, and” vs. the “Yeah, BUT.”  But stops the story every time. It doesn’t allow for idea generation or creativity. 

Here’s how you start:

Suspend your judgment.  

Easier said than done?  Not really if you are focused on truly listening to what is being said.  

Approach the conversation with a “build on” attitude.  

New ideas start with just a single thought, great ideas take that down the road a bit and build on it.  

Don’t let it end.  

Open yourself and your language up to discovering multiple options and possibilities.  Practice by saying, “Yes, and!” Catch yourself – or just note when others blurt out – “but.” 

Take it further now:

• What in your life can benefit from a little Improv? 
• Where have you said, “Yeah, but” in your life? 
• What would be the benefit of giving this a little “Yes, and” approach the next time around?
• What new things could you discover if you let yourself?

Sure, as a manager it might be easy to believe that your HIPOs aren’t going anywhere because there aren’t any jobs.  This attitude is just what drives the HIPO out the door. Creating their own opportunities. For competitors. Or themselves.

Couple that with people who are completely disengaged staying longer – remember, there aren’t any jobs to be had – and we have a serious breeding ground for a serious retention problem.   

So, how can you create everyday development opportunities for your team? Try the following:

• Running a team meeting
• Leading a high-profile project
• Teaching or training new staff
• Job-swap or rotation
• Being a mentor/coach to a struggling team or employee

Find the everyday things that can benefit the organization and the individuals need for growth and development. It doesn’t take them away from the office, and you aren’t paying an outside vendor to supply any of the opportunities.