Today I was coaching a client and asked the question, “What’s the story you are telling yourself about that relationship?”
The Story. Yep, the story.
I’ve been to a number of different personal development sessions where this concept comes out – Landmark Education, Coaching Certification, and the book Language and the pursuit of happiness. This concept of story is something very powerful when you can just stand with it. Live with it. Own it. And then get to choose – how is it serving me?
Think about that relationship in your life where you might benefit from a deeper connection. Maybe it’s your brother, you boss or barista at your favorite coffee shop. What’s the story you have about that relationship?
Once you’ve become aware of the story that you have – get yourself clear about what it truly is. What if the story was written a different way? (your brain might shift to autopilot and convince yourself it’s can’t possibly be another way than it currently is today, or it’s not possible to change – because they aren’t going to change!) As a coach, I’m not really interesting in spending the time and energy around why it can’t change – I’m interested in “if you want the story to change, what can you do to rewrite it?” Here’s how:
Create the story you want to live in. What is the story that would make you jump for joy, throw your hands up, pee your pants because – holy crap, I never knew it could be that good. Describe that story. Write it down. What is the story you want to create?
If you got to live in that story – what would be different for you? What does this story sound like? look like? smell like? What does this story evoke in your heart, head and soul? (write down a few notes about this)
And if you had that, what would you have? It might be a fuller relationships, a sense of letting go, peace, harmony…what else might it be for you?
Move to action to live in this story. Identify 25 things YOU will do to show up in a way that lives this new story. (BTW this list is about you, not the other person)
Doing this simple exercise to repair, renew, revive a relationship in your life might have a profound impact. I don’t know if it ends happily ever after. I just know today might be uniquely different from days in the story of the past.
What’s it worth to you to see how you can rewrite the stories of your life - or better yet, what are you risking if you don’t?
Who knew Oprah and the Black Eyed Peas could teach us a thing or two about Employee Engagement. I was asked today to provide an example of a short, inspiring video that could be used by an OD practitioner. What came to mind was the viral vid that’s been circulating the web since September.
I believe this video teaches us two important lessons on engagement. Take a look what do you see that relates to engagement here?
Provide clear direction. This was accomplished through rehearsal and practice, by the some 20,000 who chose to participate in kicking off Oprah’s 24th season. When people are provided a clear sense of direction it’s amazing what can be accomplished. In the workplace or on the streets in Chicago.
Co-create with your group. This one I think is the biggest lesson. After viewing an interview with the director of the video, it was clear that the Black Eyed Peas put ego aside to co-create. In a typical rock concert the spot light is on the stage. Here the spot light extends all the way down Michigan Ave. They let the audience in. They let the audience be part of the show. Takes a confident leader to allow this, don’t you think?
Research from the Corporate Leadership Council suggests that by simply providing a clear direction to the goals of the organization can yield an increase in up to 34% in effort. What do you think the impact to engagement is when people get to be part of the “show” and co-create with their leaders?
I’ve recently finished The Three Laws of Performance and give it a huge standing O!. This is a book based on personal accountability, commitment and moreover – ACTION! Steve Zaffron and Dave Logan give us a simple framework to live towards. A framework full of action, commitment and results. Read this book only if you want true transformation.
As a consultant working with groups and individuals seeking results, the concept of “not fixing anything” was a bit a challenge to get my head around. However, as they explain, this mindset creates a some-day future that is never really attained. We aren’t broke. Our organizations don’t need to be fixed. What we truly need is to understand our comfort of living a “default future.” This is the future that is going to occur if we continue doing the same things that have gotten us to this point. We must DO something different. And it doesn’t involve fixing anything. Puzzled? Let’s keep going.
Here are the 3 Laws we must understand:
How people perform correlates to how situations occur to them.
How a situation occurs arises in language.
Future based language transforms how situations occur to people.
from the Appendix in The Three Laws of Performance, Zaffron & Logan
The book shares some great stories where it might occur to you, or I, that true transformation had no chance for success. A Japanese business where the founder sudden dies, a mining town in Africa, and a fledgeling shoe company that took on Nike. These stories are true examples of transformation – they are gifts of inspiration. If an organization or a community can practice these laws then surely I too should be able to practice them.
The next couple days posts, I want to write about a couple of my own personal examples where practicing these three laws have created a new way of being, it’s created a different way in which the world occurs. And maybe more importantly, it’s created results!
Is there something in your life that you’re willing to put at stake and create something other than the “default future”?
I’ve been reading a lot of information about employee engagement and some of the stats, according to Blessing & White, are down-right scary. Only 1 in 3 people are truly engaged in their work. That means 66% of the people are not.
Fully engaged is measured by contributions on two levels – Organizational and Individual success. The organization has values, goals and strategies in place for success. These are factors they are looking to maximize. You and I, as individuals also have our own version of this. Together, great organizations can maximize these and create the apex of true engagement – one where the organization and individual reap the benefits.
Organizations must not be doing a good job at this, if they were, surely there would be more engagement. Or, might it be, we as individuals aren’t doing a good enough of this area for ourselves? Probably a deadly combination of the two.
Well, let’s first focus on what we control—OURSELVES.
To increase your own level of engagement at work (or in life for that matter!) ask yourself these three questions:
How does the work you contribute roll up to the overall mission of the organization?
What really excites you, or brings you joy, about the work that you are doing?
How might you go about creating “more of” this to connect fully to this organization’s mission?
In these answers lie the success – or lack thereof – towards becoming more fully engaged. One of the things I’ve enjoyed recently is working with individuals and teams to help sort out the number of answers to these questions. The goal – becoming more engaged myself and creating organizations that foster engagement.
The true benefit is when you wake each day and know how and why you contribute we can improve not only our satisfaction, but our performance. Up for the challenge?
