Today I was coaching a client and asked the question, “What’s the story you are telling yourself about that relationship?”

The Story.  Yep, the story.

I’ve been to a number of different personal development sessions where this concept comes out – Landmark Education, Coaching Certification, and the book Language and the pursuit of happiness.  This concept of story is something very powerful when you can just stand with it.  Live with it. Own it.  And then get to choose – how is it serving me?

Think about that relationship in your life where you might benefit from a deeper connection.  Maybe it’s your brother, you boss or barista at your favorite coffee shop.  What’s the story you have about that relationship?

Once you’ve become aware of the story that you have – get yourself clear about what it truly is. What if the story was written a different way?  (your brain might shift to autopilot and convince yourself it’s can’t possibly be another way than it currently is today, or it’s not possible to change – because they aren’t going to change!)  As a coach, I’m not really interesting in spending the time and energy around why it can’t change – I’m interested in “if you want the story to change, what can you do to rewrite it?”  Here’s how:

1. Create the story you want to live in.  What is the story that would make you jump for joy, throw your hands up, pee your pants because – holy crap, I never knew it could be that good.  Describe that story.  Write it down.  What is the story you want to create?
2. If you got to live in that story – what would be different for you? What does this story sound like? look like? smell like?  What does this story evoke in your heart, head and soul? (write down a few notes about this)
3. And if you had that, what would you have? It might be a fuller relationships, a sense of letting go, peace, harmony…what else might it be for you?
4. Move to action to live in this story.  Identify 25 things YOU will do to show up in a way that lives this new story. (BTW this list is about you, not the other person)

Doing this simple exercise to repair, renew, revive a relationship in your life might have a profound impact.  I don’t know if it ends happily ever after.  I just know today might be uniquely different from days in the story of the past.

What’s it worth to you to see how you can rewrite the stories of your life  - or better yet, what are you risking if you don’t?